1. |
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(v1)
im dead set on indecision
never like any of my options anyway
oh anyway
whats so wrong with self destruction
only recognize myself in chaos anyway
oh anyway
(c)
i promise im alright right now
ill try not to go back out
i dont know who i am
or what i care about
(v2)
i ignore all the old incisions
i’m sick of reminiscing anyway
oh anyway
lessons in harm reduction
there’s never any long term payoff anyway
oh anyway
(c)
i promise im alright right now
get by just fine without
i dont know who i am
or what i care about
will i ever feel alive somehow
or will i just hide out
i dont know who i am
or what i care about
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2. |
napalm sunday
03:30
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(verse one)
A shitty hand but I guess I’ll play
How many Hail Marys do I have to say
my brain still fills with napalm every sunday
am i the only one who cant decide
i just wanna make up my mind
the not knowing keeps on growing
deep inside
ive only ever asked to see the truth
is that too much to ask of you
was there a vision that i missed or was it misconstrued
(chorus)
i’ll stop asking you for reasons
if you won’t tell me why
i’ll just sit here
and sink into the sky
(v2)
frantic and feather-light
lift me up and watch me fly
a sound so sweet it makes my cavities cry
Maybe there’s nothing left to find
An empty space oh Jesus Christ
who will i be when my depravity dies
(chorus)
-instrumental??
(chorus)
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3. |
...and the fifth calypso
02:16
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4. |
coming of rage
03:05
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hear me out ill be okay
im just getting tired of wasting away
wasting away
hear me out i swear im fine
just searching for some peace of mind
so what if im falling behind
theres a memory i cant sweat out
low blood pressure, warbled sounds
not much to do about it now
dont wanna think about it
so ill just drink about it
why cant i learn to let it go
3 hours weekly spent with joe
i made angels in ohio
same fever since 13
what does post-traumatic mean
and what the hell is guanfacine
the so called best years of my life
restless days and norco nights
at least it keeps me alive
dont wanna think about it
so ill just drink about it
dont wanna think about it
dont wanna think about it
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5. |
agoraphobic boyfriend
04:02
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6. |
the pitcher plant
04:21
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right along
i told you id do you wrong
drown yourself and wake up
with someone elses clothes on
once or twice
you asked me to make up my mind
i said i dont like choices
then chose getting high
sometimes i feel like im a pitcher plant
trap whoever gets close and digest them just because i can
its not your fault i smell like honey
but you shouldve been more careful
just like everyone else i deceived
i am a pitcher plant
id like to change but i probably cant
break me down break my heart
ill pull through
its just about filling the void in me
it was never really about you
i will be whatever you think you need
might not be good at much
but ive mastered adaptability
sometimes i feel like im a pitcher plant
trap whoever gets close and digest them just because i can
its not your fault i smell like honey
but you shouldve been more careful
just like everyone else i deceived
i am a pitcher plant
id like to change but i probably cant
i am a pitcher plant
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7. |
carrion
03:27
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you are a wildfire
you spread until you reach the sea
you touch the waves then you come back to me
I am a nightmare
You’re a scared little boy trying to fall asleep
you’re not as brave as you pretend to be
Stop acting like we’re fine
I’m done waiting for a sign
(Chorus)
If you want me say so
I’m sick of seeing you around
If you want me say so
God why can’t I ever turn you down
Break it off, I’m not cold enough
I’m not bold enough to see it through
Second guess your hands around my neck
Was it just about a little death for you
(Chorus)
I’ve started to hate your smile
Maybe I’ll be able to hate you after a while
??
??
You’re such a fucking joke
But I need you like I need to smoke
(Chorus)
(Outro)
If you love me say so
I guess I’ll just see you around
If you love me say so
You only ever let me down
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8. |
the orator
03:35
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Maybe I don’t have the guts to talk
Maybe being silent says it all
Maybe I just forgot how to speak
Without sounding like I’m searching for sympathy
Disconnect and disregard
Dispose of the growth i’ve made so far
Send me a message and I won’t respond
It’s not like theres anything going on but
It’s hard to hold things together now
Waiting for the day that I confess
Secrets kept I need to get off my chest
A thousand words I’ve never said
I try to sound em out but I can’t fucking catch my breath
Finally said everything I meant to say
Haven’t crawled out of this bed in days
I’m here hanging around
They said the truth would set me free but I only feel more pinned down
chorus
-bridge-
Now I say whatever I want to say
I’m fine with oversharing anyway
x???
-chorus-
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9. |
tramadol
02:21
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curse the echoes in my head
force myself to go to bed
im always running out of breath
sylvia's been good to me
im keeping up with therapy but
how much energy can i have left
its only tramadol
its only melanchole
its only
its only
curse the silence in my head
force myself up out of bed
maybe my dreaming's lacking depth
it was almost better now
i nearly even made it out but
the future gets blurrier the closer i get
its only tramadol
a little bit not much at all
its only
im only
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10. |
turbulent/the first line
02:55
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patron saint of broken things
i tried to fly with unsteady wings
there's a hole where my soul should be
i'm not sad right now, i'm just angry
still feel it burn inside me
so bright that it blinds me
will i ever pull myself together
this poison is familiar
it's never tasted better
patron saint of broken minds
i'm fucked up and that's the bottom line
stone cold sober i'm not alright
but when i'm nodding out i feel just fine
(4 more lines i havent written yet)
still feel it burn inside me
so bright that it blinds me
will i ever pull myself together
this poison is familiar
it's never tasted better
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11. |
sinkhole
03:33
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where’s your heart
think of your family
wouldn’t they be sad to see you go
where’s your sense
you know the rates and prevalence
so why the fuck do you feel so alone
It’s not like I want it
The grayness is a ghost and I am haunted
spin out of control
until the earth swallows me whole
how do i turn off my head
how do i spend an hour out of bed
I’ll stay here and decay till I am bone
it’s been a century this year
or is it nine- christ how did i get here
wish i could remember so i could atone
It’s not like I want it
The grayness is a ghost and I am haunted
spin out of control
until the earth swallows me whole
It’s not like I want it
The grayness is a ghost and I am haunted
spin out of control
until the earth swallows me whole
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12. |
hang around
03:01
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god i wonder what it feels like
to be the only one swimming through your head
ill float here instead
do you hear that in the background
too far away to touch but it feels profound
i'll hang around
i see you swirling around me
your pious hands and gentle nervousness
i see you swirling around me
lovely, a portrait in dizziness
i should forget you, that's what my mom said
but how can i forget what i never had
you keep coming back
there's an echo creeping in now
too close to ignore, everything's too loud
but i'll hang around
i see you swirling around me
your pious hands and gentle nervousness
i see you swirling around me
lovely, how could you love me when i'm such a mess
i see you swirling around me
i see you swirling around me
i see you swirling around me
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